The Seven Stages of First Putting on a Lash

  1. This is daunting. Where do I even begin? I’ve never glued anything this close to my eyes before. I did used to put glue on my hands in elementary school and peel it off like I was a molting snake. I wonder if it’s going ot be like that.
  3. Is it too late to turn back? I could just put on a lot of mascara. Even though I’ve spent my entire life doing that to middling results maybe the results this time will somehow different. Remind me what the definition of insanity was?
  5. Here goes nothing! Okay. Glue is applied. I’m waving the lash in the air and the parallel between this motion and that of a white flag in surrender is not lost on me. I bring it towards my face. I instinctively close both of my eyes.
  7. Well, that didn’t go according to plan. There is now a false lash glued to the precincts of my eyelid, but at no point does it come in contact with my lash line. The gap between the two is haunting, even spooky. I peel it off.
  9. Think peaceful thoughts. I try to search my mind for my happiest memory. Here’s the one I recall: Once, my dad wanted me to bike to my job rather than him dropping me off on his way to work. (I couldn’t drive.) It was at the apex of summer, and I dreaded the concept. Under the cover of nightfall, my mother and I slashed my bikes tires so I would not have to. I feel comforted by this memory and am prepared to try again.
  11. Slowly now. Coming in directly towards the eye. The lash makes contact with my lash line. I take a moment to wiggle the ends into place. I hold my mirror at arms length way. Great Scott! Have I done it? [Editor’s note: I have.]
  13. I spend the next few minutes covering my unlashed eye with my palm and examining my work from all angles. I practice winking. I practice slow blinking. I become well acquainted with the person staring back in the mirror and I see a lifelong friendship on the horizon. We have a mutual understanding. Onto the next lash.
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